Avenge This, Avenge That, Coffee Break
by WizzKiz
Summary: When your friends are superheroes and some of them can fly, sometimes a text is the only way to get their attention. [I used to write actual stories and now my head is just full of fluff and Tony giggling. Follow for more ridiculous updates!]


**Author's Note:**

Ahoy, hoy! First things first, if you're coming here wondering where I've been: I apologise! It was my birthday this month and I've been snowed under. I've also had complete writer's block with _L'appel du Devoir _and _Chaotic Howling_, which sucks.

Instead, all I've had are one-shots or drabbles, so for my Avengers readers: have some fluff and silly texts. Enjoy!

* * *

Somewhere in Manhattan, 5 brand-new, inexplicably complex but very pretty phones just lit up, and Tony Stark is grinning at the 6th one.

~TEXT TO GROUP: AVENGERS~

[Hey losers. Obviously the phones are working and I'm holding each of you responsible for them. I will NOT replace them unless offered copious sexual favours. Tony out.]

Tony thumbed the screen off and tilted his head at the ridiculous pile of freshly manufactured phones on his desk.

"Never give somethin' for free, Dad, that's what you said," he murmured with a lewd smile.

Tony's hand buzzed and he remembered how much fun he had by setting up the names, and how much fun he _could _have with his latest stunning invention.

Was calling it a Stark-Phone a bit boring?

_Hulk: _[Steve's coming to see you, your message came through and he freaked out – I just found a piece of glass in my foot, thanks for that.]

_Hulk: _[How did you even get it into his pocket without him noticing?]

_Hulk: _[Oh, OH, don't answer that.]

[I've tasted freedom. It's salty and sweet.]

_Hulk: _[Delete my number.]

The door clicked and Tony grinned lazily at a guilty-looking Steve. "Hey Cap, got something for me? 'Cause I sure got something for you…"

* * *

Clint was three streets away from Stark Tower and desperately searching for a coffee shop that would put at least 4 caffeine shots in his drink without judging him.

_Unknown number:_ [I can hear Stark trying to chat up Steve. Where are you?]

[gettin coffee. who's this?]

_Unknown number: _[Stark didn't put the names in for you? He's an ass. It's Nat. Hurry back]

~Add to contacts?~ Yes: Nat.

_Nat: _[Bring coffee]

Clint smirked and his hand was halfway to his pocket when his phone vibrated again.

_Unknown number: _[Hey baby, let's do it.]

[who's this?]

_Unknown number: _[It's Natasha, duh. Put a blindfold on and I'll come to your room.]

~Add to contacts?~ Yes: Fuckhead Stark.

[stark]

[i know it's you fuckhead]

[you don't think i'd realise your hands were way too callused?]

_Fuckhead Stark: _[You'd have enjoyed it by then.]

_Fuckhead Stark: _[Besides, you can talk, Natasha obviously likes them.]

[you don't know pleasure til you've had soft assassin's hands on your dick]

_Fuckhead Stark: _[She plays with knives too, no thanks.]

_Fuckhead Stark: _[Bring coffee.]

* * *

Clint made it three steps out of the coffee shop before that stupid phone vibrated again.

_Unknown number: _[SON OF BART TONY SAYS YOU HAVE HOT BEVERAGES]

~Add to contacts?~ Yes: Fuckhead Thor.

_Fuckhead Thor: _[YOU MUST BRING THEM WITH ALL HASTE]

[it's BARTON, not bartson]

_Fuckhead Thor: _[I AM SORRY SON OF BARTON]

[you even allowed sugar and caffeine?]

_Fuckhead Thor: _[I HAVE PARTAKEN OF POPTARTS AND THEY ARE QUITE SWEET]

[i'll bring you a hot chocolate]

_Unknown number: _[It's Bruce, bring Thor decaf, for the love of my eardrums.]

~Add to contacts?~ Yes: Fuckhead Bruce.

_Fuckhead Bruce: _[I'll have the hot chocolate, please.]

Clint sighed and texted the last number that didn't have a name linked to it yet.

~Add to contacts?~ Yes: Fuckhead Steve.

[steve it's clint. what do you want? apparently i'm doing a coffee run.]

_Fuckhead Steve: _[Hello Clint. I would like a fruit drink and a sandwich. From Steve.]

[we have food at the tower]

_Fuckhead Steve: _[Hello Clint. We did, but Thor set the sprinklers off and Jarvis threw all of the spoiled food out. From Steve.]

~TEXT TO GROUP: AVENGERS~

[who the fuck let thor cook?]

_Nat: _[Tony]

_Fuckhead Bruce: _[Tony.]

_Fuckhead Thor: _[TONY SAID THAT I HAD TO TAME THE FIRE]

_Fuckhead Steve: _[Hello Clint. It was Tony. From Steve.]

_Fuckhead Stark: _[It was Steve.]

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Who knows where ideas come from, because I would like to go there and demand they give me my fic ideas back.

This might end up being one of those "compilation fic" things where I update a chapter every time I get an idea that doesn't quite fit into _Chaotic Howling _or is a completely different AU altogether. Like that idea, liked this update, want Aerla in the texts, have a prompt for me? _Please _let me know, review, follow, message me; I adore each of you.

Marvel owns all of these guys, and I really dislike not being able to put Aerla's disclaimer here. Sigh.


End file.
